Spotted: The Sixteen Year Old Virgin

Poor Little J! It seemed like she was going to have one significant first this episode, but in the end it wasn’t the one we expected: Jenny may still be a virgin but she’s seen Dirty Dancing. I really liked how this plot turned out, and how it roped in Nate’s and Serena’s feelings about their own first times and reputations.

But Jenny first: I find her really entertaining when she’s grumpy and snarky with Rufus (Waffles? What a surprise.), thought she looked really pretty with her hair up (which she immediately took down), and found her sense of isolation really believable. She’s right — when Dan dated Serena at the same age, it was cute. And while we know that Damien is a drug dealer, the rest of the Gossip gang doesn’t — why are they controlling her so much? Jenny calls Nate a traitor and I’m sure that’s how she feels about Serena and Dan as well. No wonder she lies to Serena at the end of the episode about losing her virginity. But she didn’t — it turns out that underneath that mop of blonde hair the Jenny that Rufus considers his daughter is still there, and isn’t willing to give it up to Damien and then discuss the importance of giving it up. Jenny’s always trying to prove that she’s not a child anymore, so for Damien to call her one, in that situation, is just about the most crushing thing he could have said.

And Blair’s plot line! Oh wait, she didn’t have one, save for nestling with Chuck and supporting him through thick and thin. At least she and Serena still get ready for balls together. (And did you catch the shout-out to the Daily Intel? Serena said “Daily Intel”! I bet Chris and Jessica just about died of joy. Next up: their cameo appearance.)

Serena attempting to pull a Chuck-and-Blair level ruse on Damien was hilarious in its failure. The Serena/Nate dynamic is believable, I think, but I don’t know that I want them to stay together. Eep! Sorry. Nate is such a good boyfriend, and I love it when he’s with someone (save for Bree . . . and Vanessa) but I like Serena when she’s in the Danger Zone — dating a Carter Baizen type. But Nate — break my heart — and his revelation about how he felt being ditched the morning after (well, technically the night of), and having Serena disappear from his life for a year. I’d never really thought about the situation from his perspective, and it turns out Serena didn’t either. Did anyone else think they were going to head down to the Campbell Apartment and re-enact the whole first-time moment?

What’s going on with Lily, Cece, and Dr. van der Woodsen? Is Cece the one who needs more tests, or is it . . . Lily?? I think it’s time for Lily to fess up about what’s going on with the good doctor. It was hard to watch her lie to Rufus, just moments after having a sweet make-up in the Bart Bass Wing of wherever they were. I also thought Kelly Rutherford was pitch-perfect in the moment that she sees Jack Bass approach. What the hey was with that wannabe-rapist’s facial hair? Things have not gone well for him, style-wise, in the past year. His “apology” for the night at the opera was really funny (how do they make these horrific moments hilarious?) — he drank too much, took some of those over-the-counter pills that are now behind the counter, . . . and some meth.

No real surprise: the evil Jack Bass is on the Empire Hotel take-over plot with Evelyn Bass/Elizabeth Fisher and Chuck’s lawyer. (Why they would want a hotel they just ran into the ground, I do not know.) Did Jack have the DNA test results faked? We know he can hook up a faux liquor license at the drop of a hat, so it’s possible he was behind that. Or maybe Evelyn/Elizabeth really is Chuck’s mother, and she’s just awful. I must say I’m looking forward to this all coming to light — there’s something so wrong about routinely seeing Chuck Bass with a giant smile and happy puppy-dog eyes. Give me misery and cynicism, Bass. (Another great line from Jack was about the number of great sexual puns you can make with the name “Chuck Bass.”)

And what about the Dan & Vanessa friends vs. friends with benefits debate? I find Dan the most entertaining when he’s unsure and awkward and the whole “make a map” thing and calling Vanessa a classmate was hilarious. I wasn’t sure if I would take to Dan+Vanessa, but so far so good for me.

One more question: where is Eric van der Woodsen? I don’t recall them even giving us an excuse for his absence. He and Jenny made up at the hospital in “The Debarted,” and now? He’s vanished. Did I miss something?

Next week: the return of Eleanor Waldorf, crazy model Agnes, as well as some roleplaying, fashion shows, hallucinations, and … did I see a dagger?? will post the HQ promo when CW has it up.

Sound off below!

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One thought on “Spotted: The Sixteen Year Old Virgin

  1. I too had a moment in the middle of this episode when I thought: Whatever happened to Eric van der Woodsen? Also: why was Serena going to the opening of the Bart Bass historical society whatever-de-whatever in a figure skating costume?

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