Erin’s Round-Up: Fan Fiction Edition

As I’m sure y’all remember, I have a friend (i know! who can believe it?) and she finds excellent things on the internet, but has no blog. So I am co-opting her content for the semi-regular Erin’s Round-Up. So maybe she spends a nearly-troubling amount of time reading fan fiction — Twilight fan fiction from FanFiction.net. And she kindly sends me excerpts of the gems. Behold the glory:

Edward is impossibly hawt
Edward got up and got himself a drink from the mini fridge near the pool table. He was wearing low loose fit jeans and black Ed Hardy t-shirt with a dragon on the front. The dragon was twisting and it seemed like it was calling me.

Even vampires like smoothies
I walked up to the counter of the smoothie shop and ordered myself a Mango-a-go-go and Edward a Razzmatazz. Jamba Juice had been our afternoon haunt in high school before we could drive and everyday all four of us ordered the same thing. Alice always got Caribbean Passion, Emmett always got Peach Pleasure, I always got Mango-a-go-go, and Edward always got Razzmatazz.

Edward expands his music interests beyond Debussy
Suddenly, I could hear the music floating from inside, the beautiful melody tinkling in perfect cadence. “Is that him?” I asked, surprised. “What song is he playing?” I strained an ear to make out the music that was so lovely and hauntingly familiar. Jasper looked up, as if searching for the words in his head as he sang a verse of Beyonce’s “Halo” out loud. “Wow, it sounds so different on the piano, so classic.”

Edward proves he has the voice of an angel
The most magical moment of all was during “Blue Moon.” Edward had closed his eyes and sang along softly with it, not drowning out the song, but I only tuned into Edward’s voice. It was amazing. He could be a singer, like Josh Groban or Bon Jovi, only he was better!

Bella doesn’t dance . . . except with Edward
The first two songs were fast. I sat back in my chair, happy just to watch, when the third song started. It was slower. I recognized the slow, simple strains of the piano. Chantal Kreviazuk’s “Feels Like Home.” Edward stood and held out a hand. “Will you dance with me, Isabella?”

Edward works at Staples. Yes, Staples.
His hands were elegant and beautiful as he ripped open huge boxes of ballpoint pens. As he argued with belligerent customers, he always smiled, his beautiful lips curling over his perfect white teeth.

Bella is a Marxist Studies scholar
It was silent in the house except for the odd sigh from Bella, and the soft tap of the keyboard as she re-wrote something. “What’s your essay on?” I asked, reaching my foot out and running up her leg.

“Uh-um, how Marxism would affect today’s society,” she finally managed.

“What’s your opinion?” My foot was reaching higher and I was starting to have to sink in my chair.

“Um…I think that it’s a bit like communism, not bad in theory, but easily taken out of context. If only the…Uh…Edward,” she hissed, moving away and sitting cross legged on top of the chair. “As I was saying,” she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “If only the theory was used and it wasn’t taken completely verbatim then it would be ok. The basic ideas are sound, but when someone takes it too far, that’s when we have problems.”

“Isn’t Marxism what they claim Hitler based his ideas on?”

“Some do, but we all know that Hitler was an extremist,” she retorted confidently. God confidence was hot. “Study, Edward.” She pointed to my text book and went back to her essay, making a few changes and saving the document.

“Done?” I asked hopefully.

And finally, a synopsis, by Erin, of one of the stories:
Bella is 25 and desperately wants a child so she tries to get knocked up through a month of one night stands but it doesn’t work. Alice can tell Bella is very serious about having a baby, since she’s been talking about it for a whole four weeks, so sets up an appointment at a sperm bank (run by Carlisle, obvs.). Bella reads through a bunch of asinine donor profiles until she comes upon one that’s not like all the others. CAN YOU GUESS WHOSE IT IS? Best part? The story is titled “White Gold.”

(Sadly I don’t have direct links to the individual stories, but I bet if you wanted to read more, you could find them pretty quickly with some excellent Googling skillz.)

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