Gossip Girl, Je t’aime: There Might Be Blood

Good morning, Upper East Siders! Another Tuesday morning, another long week til the next episode of Gossip Girl ahead of us. For some reason this week’s episode left me a little cold, but why exactly? There were millions of obscenely excellent lines from Blair and from Gossip Girl, from Chuck and even Serena.

Since I’m thinking hopeful thoughts all day today, whilst the Americans visit the voting polls, let’s start with what I lurved:

  • the opening headline on Gossip Girl: Little J vs. The Queen Mum. Hilarious. (I wonder who took that pic of J taking the green dress and sent it to GG. Maybe the D.O.P.?) These openers always fly by and they are usually really puntastic.
  • When Emma, the young vixen having a “clearance sale,” first starts in about Muffy and her adventures, B’s reaction is gold: “Oh my god. Stop your mouth from moving.”
  • More B gold when she tells Serena about Emma, “She’s less Holly Hobby and more Jenna Jameson.”
  • BACK UP THE BUS: I like the shirt Vanessa is wearing! The blue plaid+pattern and the cut? It actually looks good on her AND it is cool, which is a big step up from most of V’s outfits. Her hair also looks good. And her advice to Dan? Pretty reasonable! He *is* ready to condemn his little sister.
  • Little Emma meets Chuck: “You’re, like, the devil.”
  • Chuck telling B that of the few things sacred to him, the back of a limo totally qualifies. So skeezy, so so sweet.
  • Little J posing as EricA van der Woodsen. (Sometimes they leave off the A and you know, change my gender. Sure.) Nate uses his “talking to parents” formal voice with Lily, which he first debuted back in season one. What a pair.
  • B thinking that GOD wants her to blackmail Emma’s mother to get into Yale.
  • The return of little Serena! Little Serena (from the ep where D and S walk in Central Park and are mobbed by seventh graders with strong opinions on their relationship) looks a little less…weird. I’m glad she was just in the right spot to capture Nate and Jenny’s second official kiss. Shows promise for Gossip Girl: The Next Generation.
  • Besides Rufus’s OTT “hurry up” business, the conversation in the back of the cab was perfect. Dan and Vanessa know pretty much everything about each other and have such a nice twisted history (and present?) that they can bicker and cross lines without the guy sitting next to them knowing what the eff they’re talking about. And good points all, Vanessa. Once again you are making total sense.
  • BEST WORD of the Episode: How will I ever work this into my everyday speech? Lacrossetitute.
  • After V sees N and J kissing and storms out of the party (after she was so delighted for J…sad), J follows and N looks bewildered. Gossip Girl gets it: it’s “bros before hoes for little J.”
  • More Blair excellence when she pouts in bed and Serena attempts cheering-up: “Princeton is a trade school.”
  • Mail montage! It’s super cheesy and unlikely that both Nate and Dan would have some very important letter to mail that morning, but it was such an old-school TV moment where everyone has parallel experiences, which in this case was encapsulated in lettermail. I love it. I wonder if that’s U.S. Postal Service product placement?
  • J’s hoodie/cape as she ventures south of 13th Street: glory. I need that. I need to put on WAY too much black eye makeup and feel like my world is collapsing but at least I look soooooo cool and maybe cozy too?
Things I’m sad to see go the way of the dodo:
  • Dan and Nate go to the movies. Dan and Nate holding hands. Dan and Nate having vicious fights and saying things they (Dan) really ought not to say. It’s too bad that this went south so quickly and that D can’t keep secrets or his judgmental opinion to himself. Does he really think N is a bad person? Just because our favorite sporty stoner from the Upper East Side had to sleep with a certain lady to support his family . . . hold up: Nate Archibald is a lacrossetitute!
  • Vanessa and Jenny’s friendship. I’m guessing this ain’t the last of it but: V has always been awesome to Little J and Little J has been awesome to V (with the one exception of that dress she made V for Lilly’s wedding: hideous). V seems like the forgiving type. And it was Nate Archibald; how could Jenny not kiss him?
I bid good riddance, farewell, and sleep tight ya moron! to:
  • Dan being a total bore and taking the “slow and steady” path. (I hope this lasts longer than Serena’s decision to be Queen S and totally terrorize D.) Little J always does what she has to do to get what she wants. So true, Depressing Dan. I wonder what kind of havoc his Charlie Troutt story will bring upon the Bass family. If only we could watch next week’s promo…
What bugged me:
  • Serena’s boob show. She has lovely cleavage. But the singular focus of her wardrobe is getting a bit boring. And her outfit for the tea party at the Yale Lady’s? Really?
  • The guerrilla fashion show. Do extremely wealthy people like it when you crash their party, and ruin their event with your fashion show? Gossip Girl says yes! I really loved J’s dress last week but this whole “collection” is a bit of a letdown and basically the same dress over and over with different accessories. Also, where did Agnes get her magical glass-smashing boots? I need a pair. Just touch a wine glass with the tip of your boot and SMASH!
  • The back-and-forth between Serena and Aaron. I know nothing can ever be easy and straightforward on GG, but this plotline felt like an afterthought of supersweetness mixed with a healthy dose of trepidation. And that licorice ring looked like it was handcrafted by a candy jeweler, not an 11-yr-old boy. (I’m guessing A’s 3 yrs older than S?)
  • The parenting style of Rufus Humphrey. What did J do wrong exactly? She didn’t tell her dad she quit Eleanor’s, she pretended to be at home eating pizza and watching Project Runway but instead was designing a fashion line and trying to start her own business. And the actual illegal thing: the guerilla fashion show that everyone loved. Hmm. So a 15 year old shouldn’t do whatever the hell she pleases but it’s not exactly like Little J was out all night getting high with Agnes and Max the Creepy Photographer. (if only we could see next week’s preview…) Rufus acted like he had exhausted EVERY possible avenue he had with Jenny and so he had to turn her over to the NYPD. I was very glad Lilly vdW was there to meddle in another family’s business.
  • Dan didn’t freak out when his little sister packed up all her stuff and moved out of the Humphrey Loft? He’s all, sip of coffee, BTW dad, check out J’s room, I gotta go to the post box. I think not. That is what Dan of the Books would do. Do not make our Dan that Dan.
The questions I’m left with:
  • Chuck has an in with Gossip Girl? Wha-what-what? Chuck has always been excellent at getting things on Gossip Girl. Is Chuck Gossip Girl? Or a more realistic scenario: does Chuck have a witty private investigator/blogger on retainer who does all Gossip Girling for him?
  • Why does Nate hate Chuck? Is this about the trip to Yale? Yawn. Go and live with Chuck Bass, Natie. With Serena there and Blair always sleeping over, it would be like The Real World: Upper East Side.
  • Where the frak is Nate going? Please don’t go to the Hamptons to live with your mom. I hate the Anne Archibald character.
  • What the heck is going to happen after graduation? Serena and Blair are all gigglepants over the Yale course calendar (those are HILARIOUS). I’m guessing D will also get into Yale (either with his story or by Serena pulling her celebrity status card again). Chuck can go wherever he pleases. And Nate? Did he get into Yale? Could he afford an ivy-league education? (Who’s paying his tuition at St. Jude’s?)
  • Lily or Lilly? How many L’s, Ms. van der Woodsen?
Oh Gossip Girl. I’m sorry I said you left me cold. It’s obvs just me, not you. You are as glorious as ever. Just please continue on in your awesomesauce way.

Next week: “Bonfire of the Vanity.” Sounds like Little J does the best shrieking on television since Dawn on Buffy. Nothing stands in the way of ambition…or fireballs!

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4 thoughts on “Gossip Girl, Je t’aime: There Might Be Blood

  1. I am in total agreement with all of your comments, particularly about the ugliness of the fashion show clothes and the over-exposure of Serena’s boobs. What up with that? If my teenage daughter went out like that…well, there would be hell to pay! (Don’t I sound like an old person? I don’t even know what I mean when I say “hell to pay.”)And poor Rufus is getting crap dialogue and crappier stuff to do. Do you think he jilted a writer? Never jilt a writer.

  2. Ah, see, I need to read your blog before emailing you. Looks like we had so many of the same thoughts, it’s like we’re ONE MIND. So agree about the blech dresses in the fashion show. And when I emailed you this morning, I typed Lily, then Lilly, then Lily, and didn’t know which it was (I think I went with two l’s). I, too, couldn’t figure out what Nate’s problem with Chuck was. Is it still because he deflowered Blair and that was supposed to be Nate’s job? And I actually PAUSED my screen to stare at the ring and thought, uh, I think it had to have been manufactured that way; how the hell did a kid do that? Think about it: it’s a single knot in a single string. Unless he pulled it apart, made the knot, and then fused it back together, I have no idea how he did it. But yeah, still awesome. Love it. And Jenny looked FAB as she walked away in a huff, and I agree: Dan would so not let her walk out with her freakin’ bags on a road to nowhere. Come ON.

  3. We should petition Rufus’s writers to step it up a notch. i was in love with him last season and this season I’m totally seeing him through Jenny’s eyes. Actually maybe more from Lilly’s eyes — you annoy me but you’re still super hot.

  4. I thought the same thing about the ring too! Then I thought maybe it came that way, and he didn’t actually make it for her or vice versa.Re: glass smashing boots. When I acted as Dracula in a university production (please, how can I *not* say that in every day conversation), I got to smash glash bottles against ledges and mirrors, because they were so prop-py, that all I had to do was flick them with my fingers to crack them. It was super fun.

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