Gossip Girl, Je t’aime: Chuck in Real Life

Tights are not pants.

Another excellent and implausibly plotted episode! The writers seem happy to add in potential love connections every week and I, for one, am happy to see who has chemistry. So instead of an episode recap, let’s talk BFs and GFs, who we’ve already seen together and what that leaves for potential future hook-ups…

Nate + Blair: With the exception of the sex scene post-cotillion, these two were ho-hum together. Their love was pure and friendshippy. My money’s on them at least having one more go before the end of the series, but it’ll be a fail. Not a mechanical fail, B, just no sparks.

Nate + Serena: Remember how at the beginning of season 1, Nate was totally in love with Serena? And kissed Jenny at the masked ball thinking she was S? Then remember how that plot was dropped like a hot potato? Nate had to go back to being in love with B (since she no longer needed him) and his love for S has since been friendship only.

Nate + Vanessa: Show V some vulnerability beneath an Upper East Side facade and she is putty in your hands. Nate accomplished this with a dad in rehab and a friendly rapport with the waitstaff at a Greek restaurant in Brooklyn. These two were kinda weird together and it was even weirder when Nate was all, “You and me forever, V,” in the Vanessa-discovers-he’s-sleeping-with-the-Duchess episode. One misunderstanding and the relationship is totally over. Then the next week(ish), he’s picking up Márquez-reading Yalies. Nate falls in and out of love rather easily, don’t ya Natie?

Nate + Jenny: Nate is 17, Jenny is 15. Totally plausible in the real teenager world. They’ve already kissed once (par accident), they’ve had loads of good chats (like on B’s bday), and she’s turned to him when she’s in trouble (the kind of trouble where you steal a one-of-a-kind Valentino dress and need thousands of dollars to get it back). And now with Nate living at the Humphrey Loft? Dan would freak the frak out. Speaking of…

Nate + Dan: How cute was Dan this week making his soccer date with Nate? Poor guy really has no friends besides V and his family. The slash fiction just writes itself with D and N sleeping under the same roof.

Dan + Serena: The scene of D and S on the steps of Nate’s seized townhouse was so lovely. Those two are good people. Obviously they will get back together one day, hopefully this season. (Though too much make-up/break-up would get tiresome.)

Dan + Vanessa: We’ve never even seen these two kiss, right?

Dan + Blair: In the words of B, “Ew.”

Chuck + Serena: There was the attempt in first episode when he attacked her in the Palace Hotel kitchen and she kicked him in the nuts. And now they’re step-siblings. Don’t think it’s gonna happen.

Chuck + Jenny: Also in the Chuck-Is-a-Sexual-Predator pilot episode, flirtation led to sexual assault. Let’s hope the writers never go here again. Ever.

Chuck + Blair: True love? If only one of them could say those three words, eight letters, five vowels and three consonants…

(is Y a consonant or a vowel? i am not smarter than a fifth grader.)

Chuck + Vanessa: The new couple of the week. I don’t mind this pairing, actually. If she could bring out all the goodness we know is in Chuck, and keep saying things like, “You deserve better,” (re: evil Bart Bass), maybe C could be the good boy for a few episodes. Then V would reveal she’s not over Dan (or Nate or both) and Chuck would revert to total badassery. Chuck could use some time in Brooklyn at the old-timey hip gangster club with Vanessa and the Tells-It-Like-It-Is man.

Have I missed any potential hookups? The Rufus + Vanessa connection seems to have cooled into an implausible take-advice-from-a-teenager situation. Thank the gods. When will Rufus and Lily get back together? The happy family scene of Lily, Eric, Serena, and Bart (sans Chuck) was a bit too saccharine for my taste. Serena, trust your instincts about that Bart character. He is totally bad news.

One thing that totally bugged me about Eric not bringing his new BF to the housewarming party. Eric explains to Serena that Bart didn’t tell him not to bring the boyfriend but suggested maybe he didn’t want to come out in a national magazine. Eric is already out. Georgina spilled the beans to his family. And then Eric announced it really publicly at Asher’s party. So his family knows. His friends and schoolmates know. Everyone who reads Gossip Girl knows. What does he care if In Style subscribers know? Bart Bass is looking out for himself and I don’t think Eric would have fallen for it.

Still M.I.A.: Hazel. Did I miss some reference to her leaving for good? Or are we supposed to quietly forget about her? I never had much time for her but a throwaway line about where she is would’ve been nice.

Anywhozy: any favorite couples? Vanessa should be with (a) D, (b) N, or (c) C? …

**Update: the GG episode titles are always punny, but next week’s takes the cake: “Pret-a-Poor Jenny.”


3 thoughts on “Gossip Girl, Je t’aime: Chuck in Real Life

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