Gossip Girl: The Rise of the House of Van Der Woodsen

“The Ex-Files.” episode 4 of season 2 of Gossip Girl, the best show ever. where do i even begin? how about with the things outside of the show.

did you guys see the Clean and Clear commercials? maybe it was just on A-Channel last night. anyway, they totally cast a Serena and Blair knock off and have them talk about buffing their faces off. i worry about this new product. it’s a battery-operated buffer. for your face. watch out, teenagers.

the bad thing about watching GG on A-Channel: they cut to commercial seconds early so you ALWAYS miss the last words of Gossip Girl’s awesome zingers. AH. I am going to write them a considered letter.

“You Know You Love Me” and this is why

  1. The shot in the opening of Gossip Girl’s top post: a pic of Dan and Serena under the headline “D and S: Two Point . . . No?
  2. Serena calling Chuck a eunuch.
  3. Eric’s hair is FINALLY normal. The blond streaks are no more. Poor kid had to wait 22 episodes to have a smidge of the style of the rest of the GGers. Looks like hanging out with Chuck has had its benefits. Besides mimosas on the way to école.
  4. Breakfast banter at the Humphreys!
  5. Extra points to Little J for “Blair and her Merry Band of Psychos
  6. Dan is funny again. I love Dan when he’s funny. Not so much when he’s giving S shit for something she hasn’t done. But “birds flying into you” and “automatic doors not opening”? More deflection through sarcasm!
  7. Serena talks to herself! I talk to myself!
  8. Queen B declaring new girl “Dan with boobs” Amanda a “person of interest.” B declaring “lunch the meal before dating.”
  9. Rufly! Lily + Rufus forever. Dump Clare. Dump Bart. You two and Harry Dean Stanton belong together.
  10. The easy ditch of Catherine and Marcus in one illicit affair. I know this seems seriously over the top and nonsensical. Why are they hot for each other when Marcus is supposedly frigid like his dad and Catherine is so into Nate? But let’s just accept this. Mostly cuz the two of them were getting draggy in the previous episode. And for readers of the fine Gossip Girl novels, this was no surprise. Lord Marcus hooks up with his cousin who is really his wife and breaks B’s heart. You see, B had already bought herself a wedding dress on spec that there would be a proposal. Sigh.
  11. Serena not backing down when Dan refuses to accept her apology. Heck no, you wouldn’t need B and her posse to win! Sound the trumpets, strumpets.
  12. B to Nate: Wait. Hold that non-thought.
  13. Before the big reveal at the end, the fact that it was TOTALLY PLAUSIBLE that Chuck would be out at the Upper East Side’s Peach Pit with ingredients for a Nairtini on hand. He pulled that out and I was like, Yes. Of course. That is what Chuck carries in that beauteous suit pocket.
  14. Queen S to Penelope and Iz: “From now on, everything goes through me.” Glorious. But where is Hazel? (The blonde girl who was BFFs with Pen from last season.)
  15. Chuck is the evil puppet master! Maybe I was just too excited to be watching Gossip Girl and I missed all the MAJOR clues that Amanda was C’s plant. It’s really, really obvious when I think about it but I did not suspect a thing. Which made the reveal so incredibly awesomesauce. Hoodwinked by Chuck! I am happy to be hoodwinked by Chuck any day of the week.
  16. The scene of Dan returning to school the next day and being a total social pariah to Santogold’s “Shove It.” I love that song. I love that scene. Dan misbehaved in this ep and I think he’s been a shitty bf to Serena but poor guy.

“Well, we were never really friends, remember?” minor fails, IMHO

  1. B’s white “cape” (pictured at right). She wears it while she sorts the girls into projects and victims and whilst she parades around Constance, her first day as a senior. There were quite a few fugly shirts in this episode. My brother, Charlie Tuna, came in halfway through and asked if they were at an Elizabethan costume party. MAYBE.
  2. Vanessa’s idiocy. It was a bit much that she spied on B for one second and concluded the Queen of Mean was doing nothing about her bf f’ing his stepmom/her ex-bf’s current gf. As if Vanessa would run straight to the Duke’s to tell him his son is bopping his wife. Trust in B. And her attempt at being cruel to be kind to Nate was also pathetico and went beyond the call of duty. Better clothes this week, tho.
  3. Scarves on the head / in the hair. See illustration. NO. Let’s not start that. B’s confused face when S saunters up all queenly is likely more about Isabel’s head scarf than about how she’s been bumped off her throne. For reals. Let’s make the head scarf thing a symbolic one-off and not a trend for S.2. Hairbands win any day. Every day.
  4. So not really a fail but I don’t like it when B and S are enemies and there’s obvs a set-up for an impending battle between our two heroines. I like it when they are besties (and as Gossip Girl says, no one does besties better than B and S). Not to come off like America Ferrara or anything. This fight is going to be entertaining and it’s gonna be even better when Queens Waldorf and Van Der Woodsen finally figure out Chuck is behind it all.

Be sure to read the New York mag blog on GG tomorrow. Jessica Pressler and Chris Rovzar are GENIUSES.

Oh man i am watching the episode again right now and forgot to mention how much I loved (1) how Catherine VAPORIZED after giving V $5000 (and how gorgeous her green dress is) and (2) how Dan did the majorly embarrassing wave again when he and S first meet up in the courtyard.

and, BTW, if you google revenge, you do NOT get BlairWaldorf.com

Also, is Chuck Gossip Girl? It doesn’t really make sense at all but then it kinda makes all the sense in the world.

NEXT WEEK: Fashion week and S is ready to shine brighter than B. The Les Best fashion show perhaps?

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2 thoughts on “Gossip Girl: The Rise of the House of Van Der Woodsen

  1. “Why are they hot for each other when Marcus is supposedly frigid like his dad and Catherine is so into Nate? But let’s just accept this. Mostly cuz the two of them were getting draggy in the previous episode.”I completely agree with you — at first I was majorly squicked out by this development, but I love love love the domino effect. Yumalicious.I really didn’t have any complaints about this episode, mostly because it was such a step up from last week in my opinion that I was just happy it wasn’t falling off the wagon forever. Oh, but I totally agree with your complaint about the headband/scarf thingies. Blah.

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