i did however REALLY enjoy watching The Bubble. My favorite resident of BubbleLand, Naomi a.k.a. Elizabeth Berkley the New Generation a.k.a. AnnaLynne McCord, is STILL having issues with her daddy’s big bad affair. She is also having issues controlling her facial expressions and that is affecting her ability to make sensible outfit choices. The results were awesome — sneaker lace on a bustier dress? YES. more than one pair of short shorts in an episode? OF COURSE.
In the wholesome land of Dixon, he tears off a car’s side mirror and gets a job at the Peach Pit to work off his debt. How that mirror got torn off is a flipping mystery. A bigger mystery than the Who’s the Baby Daddy mystery. Since that one was spoiled in a promo clip released WEEKS ago. Argh.
Anyway. Nat reminds us that Brandon was a good, good egg. Dr. Pepper reminds us that it too is bubbly and is endorsed by the New Nine Oh gang.
New Brenda’s love life. Sigh. Oh Annie. You are terrible. She randomly bumps into Ty in the hallway. LITERALLY. Awkwardly. He has tickets to a secret vampire weekend show. puh-lease. So Annie says she can’t cuz she has a non-date date with Ethan. Ethan of the Naomi Bubble. Ruh-roh.
So Naomi hijacks Ethan’s date time. He is SO overwhelmed that he cannot text Annie until half an hour after he was supposed to meet her. It takes a long time to text someone. Ahem. But more importantly than any of their yawn-inspiring back-and-forth love affairs:
Does Ethan live at Casa Walsh? It really looked like the Walsh house!
OK. Sorry. we are supposed to feel for Ethan cause he has a brother with OCD, or Aspergers, or some sort of poorly identified disorder. Naomi is good with the brother. We see why the two of them were bf and gf and bffs. And later we get the video of the perfect day at the zoo. We get the Bubble. Thanks.
Naomi puts her master plan to deal with her dad’s mistress into action: find out where she works, then tell her, “Back off, slut.” Sure. That sounds like a wonderful plan. Naomi confronts Mistress Gail wearing black short-shorts and a cropped leather jacket. In case her verbal assault doesn’t work, Naomi is ready for sexy martial arts. (She may not know ka-rate, but she sure knows ca-razy.)
Outfit change to tell mom! Naomi dons red short-shorts with white polka dots and a lacy top. With a bow necklace. She tells mom about Gail moving into the beach house. Mom’s like, what-what-what?? But the real big question: Will Silver blahg about Naomi’s dad’s affair?
Pretty boring so far, right kids? Right! The part that could have been awesome — Brenda and Lucille Bluth directing Spring Awakening — is also boring save for a few killer moments.
Jessica Walter’s reaction to the girls singing = awesome. Jessica Walter singing = awesome. Thazzit. Brenda opens G’ma’s eyes with a videotape and is far too smug about the whole thing.
The other part that could have been exciting: finding out who is the father of Sammy! But no. Detective Sexy English Teacher and Bren talk. Brenda offers no clues! Detective Teacher pisses Kelly Taylor off by asking too many questions. Brenda and Kelly have a parking lot argument leading up to…. Why why why did the CW play the “you’re still in love with Dylan” clip in the commercials weeks before the big reveal??
So there you have it. Kelly + Dylan = Sammy. But never forget:
- Silver doesn’t care about trendy purses.
- Dixon didn’t study for the Flannery O’Connor test.
- Ethan can simultaneously hold a video camera with one hand, make out with his gf at the zoo and zoom in on their liplock.
- Silver learns not to hold a grudge whilst wearing the shortest short shorts EVER. In a waist-up shot, you could see the bottom of her shorts. Also: these girls are too skinny. They need network-mate Tyra Banks to come over and give them a talking to.
- Annie’s Guide to Winning Your Man Back: Strategy 1: Cookies. Strategy 2: Kiss attack!
- Ty is, of course, a chin holder. Blech.
the funny thing is if AnnaLynne McCord was a better actor, I would prolly stop watching this show sooner. but man alive! she makes me laugh. add that to Brenda kicking around Bev Hills and hope that Dylan McKay will one day grace our screens again…..i’ll keep effing watching this show. Or, uh, until the show gets cancelled.