cucumber calhoun

dominion tricked me into buying 3 cucumbers instead of 1 the other day but goddamn them i will eat all 3. i am 1.5 there. i am also putting cucumber on my face. i am cucumber calhoun this week. i decided to spend money i don’t have at kiehl’s and now have a lovely cucumber toner to splash on my face. three step process, kids. i am rocking the kiehl’s cleansing system. and if i buy 9 more things, i get free stuff. so…incentive.

i am reading Will Self’s The Quantity Theory of Insanity, which I bought in Londonium. I really and truly am loving it so far. short stories — my second in a row; i read the atwood, if you can even believe it. here’s a good bit at the beginning of “understanding the ur-bororo”:

his body looked as if it had been constructed out of pipecleaners dunked repeatedly in flesh-coloured wax. all of his features were eroded and soft except for his nose, which was the droplet of wax that hardens as it runs down the shaft of the candle. there was also something fungoid about janner, it was somehow indefinable, but i always suspected that underneath his clothes janner’s had athlete’s foot — all over his entire body.

you mustn’t understand me, in a manner of speaking janner and i were best friends.

sister S. in her ongoing embarrassment of riches program has provided me with many variations of purple leggings/tights so i can properly declare an International Coloured Tights Day and be in the position to celebrate and honour such an occasion. as it’s mother’s day, let’s have a shoutout both to my mum (hizers) and also to all the friend-mums i know. y’all are an exceptional group with absurdly charming children. and a vair helpful bunch too when advice is needed for the newbies amongst you. so thanks and cheers. xo.

listening to: the cure (last minute free tickets to this thursday’s concert; thank you t-mill) and mgmt (as recommended by she-who-never-rests claz; video for “time to pretend” here).

the saga of Gossip Girl continues tomorrow night and i am sooooo jazzed about this show. when i first saw the preview for this week, i 100% missed the part at the end where georgina is all “oh dan, i’ve had a crush on you since we first met” and lonely boy’s all, “let’s go somewhere quiet and talk.” oooh you vicious sneak, G. the EW popwatch comparison of Georgina Sparks to Javier Bardem’s character in No Country for Old Men is not only hilarious, it is APT.

alright. i suppose it’s time to leave the apartment and join the land of the living.


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