staple

IMG_1753
two years before the Staple Incident of 1986.

When I was in grade two, I used to help my teacher, Mrs. Flood, after school. [Mrs. Flood had a talking car, you guys — if you left the door open, it would say the door is ajar, which was hilarious because the door was a door, not a jar.] After school, I guess I would help her prep for classes or clean up the classroom, and one day she had me stapling something or other. I don’t remember any of that, but I remember when I stuck my little left index finger in the way of the stapler and stapled it good and hard. I was a selective mute when I was little — it is a real thing! — so I wasn’t, you know, big into talking. So I didn’t cry out or anything, I just walked over to Mrs. Flood and whispered that I had to go home. I must’ve been pale and a little sick-looking, because she asked if I was okay, and I lied and said yes and then left the school and walked to the corner and sat down on the curb and oh god there was a staple through my finger. This girl who was a few grades older than me was riding her bike and saw me and the staple and said, You’re going to have to pull that out, you know. And then she rode away. And then I pulled it out and I felt all pukey but I didn’t puke, I just walked down Radford Drive home to Barrett Crescent (which Google maps tells me is a 7 minute walk but my 6-year-old legs probably meant it was a little bit of a longer walk) and never told a soul.

I cut myself on a staple yesterday. Told a whole bunch of people.

primrose

morning, morning. The plant I bought a few weeks back, a primrose, is in a state and I need to save it. It is wilted and its flowers are just done with existing and its leaves are floppy and is it too cold or too hot, or too thirsty? Project Primrose: Activate.

I am also project primrose-ing my own self (what? I dunno, I have not had very many sips of coffee, okay?). yesterday was a soft launch, starting with me deleting the games from my phone and ipad. Oh yea, I forgot to tell you that I was constantly playing Two Dots and some form of candy crushing and whatever else I could get my hands on while bingeing podcasts (and a little X-Files action, in honour of Scully’s return last night).

But those days are over! A fond-ish memory and no more. I did yoga yesterday morning, and today I got up a little closer to my official wake-up time and did my yoga. And guess what? I still like it and it still makes me feel better than before. (My wrist is unhappy tho, so I do a very, very weird downward dog and cobra thing.)

Today I’m going to add my walking back in, and I’m back to Ban-uary rules as of yesterday. I figured out a new monitoring system for exercise, weight, & steps right in my little calendar book, but I’m not sure how I want to monitor my diet yet. It’s too much for that page; am I keeping a second journal thing that I write in in the evenings? I’ve tried the apps in the past and found them a bit too laborious. Let’s try the evening recap.

My mind palace finally feels cleared up — I blazed thru a lot of work clutter this weekend, and just feel more On It than I have since, oh I dunno, early December. The one thing that is making me a little cray-cray is my tinnitus. It is just so screamy these days, you guys. Like, shhhhhhh plz & thx. But healthier diet, exercise, yoga, good sleeps, and all those things that are generally good for humans are good for humans with incredibly annoying buzzing imaginary sounds in their mind palaces too. (realizing I still haven’t watched the Sherlock chrimbo special; what is my damage.)

Anywho, that is the status report on me.

Reading recommendation: Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. I agree with Toni Morrison: it should be required reading.

shine

okay i am back! no more not-doing-shit. it is back on. I am ready / funfetti. (metaphorical funfetti, because no more eating rando treats like it is not Ban-uary.)

remember how Heather Vee has a word of the year? today I thought of what mine just might be: shine. I know, I know. But here’s the thing: when Taraji P. Henson reposts her onscreen children’s photos on the Insta — of, say, Jussie Smollett singing beautifully or looking ridiculously handsome — she often captions them shine, baby, shine, and I love that. And fuck they are shining. An all-encompassing and yet directed word o’ the year. I’m gonna test it out.

jamal

 

brainfog

I’m home again, home again, hippity hop, but my brain is in the land of headcolds and stupidity and extreme tiredness. Came home on an earlier flight yesterday due to doneness with not being in bed with a cuppa. Still, a good NYC jaunt and a huge walkabout on Thursday, and saw two movies — one great (Carol), one abysmal (Joy).

(Like how is Joy even a movie? It is a terrible first draft of a script that I would be ashamed to show to my closest most-understanding friend. My love for Jennifer Lawrence was not enough to overcome the shoddiness of this shitshow. Do better, David O. Russell, or stop doing. #ReviewsByCrissy)

Screen-Shot-2015-06-30-at-2.48.18-PMSomething that brings me actual Joy with a capital J is the podcast Another Round with Heben and Tracy. It is so good, you guys. Great interviews, mad jokes at times, and smart and insightful at all times. A couple of years ago, I started making a concerted effort to read more books written by anyone other than white men (I’ve read enough by them, I think!), and these two black women are reminding me of how white and male the vast majority of my podcast listening has been to date. Highly recommended. (Inverse proportional to my recommendation for Joy.)

If you’re wondering how all my habits and resolutions and the like are going, the deal is that none of them are happening and when do I start up again? Tomorrow morning is probably the best time to jump on it. January 17th is an auspicious date. Let me eat this chocolate and think about it.

Oh one more thing I loved this week: Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit. Read it, love it.

 

manhattan

Quick hello from the 47th floor hotel room. There are instructions about how to open the window that I think should read “don’t.”

All my habits are out the window (habits window unfortunately does open) at the moment. But trip good so far: one big meeting done, one this afternoon.

 Saw Fun Home last night and loved it, and it was cool to see how they adapted a graphic novel into a musical, and in a theatre in the round no less. Also the kids were so so good and talented and little heartbreakers, and Castro from the Good Wife (sorry Tony-winning actor, I am a tv person and that is who you are to me) was stunning too. I met Alison Bechdel for one second about 9 years ago on another work trip to NYC and bought Fun Home from her at the comics festival we were at, and ❤️❤️❤️ is how I feel about all that. 

xo

brunch

Tammy very rightly pointed out that I like doing my super cheese dance party exercise sessions — and that made me realize that I am doing a classic Obliger thing. Work is busy, social life is busy and I’m prioritizing those obligations over the ones I’ve made to myself, even though I like doing the things I want to be doing. Prioritizing, or using the external obligations as a loophole to get out of the sometimes-very-hard work of changing my habits.

at any rate, no I didn’t do any exercise yesterday (I’m 1/5 for the week, with two days left) and no I haven’t yoga’d. Surprising no one, the number on my scale is not as low as it was when I was rocking this game in November.

that is a problem for another day! for today is the annual Ladies Brunch, and I am jazzed to the max about it. 8 pals, mimosas forever, lots of tasty food, a yankee swap, and general good times and catch-ups. And Leanna already Instagrammed her yankee swap present (not so secret santa, I guess), and it’s a goodie. Erin and I are going to form an alliance and win it for the apartment. Unless she double-crosses me. We. Shall. See.

(Also if that link doesn’t work? It’s cuz I had to copy it from my phone’s Insta and then retype it on my laptop, cuz I blocked all my social media sites. This may get annoying. If it does work: follow Leanna on Insta! She takes beauteous photographs.)

Have fun on your holiday, Laura!

anti-social

So I have this great program on my laptop called Anti-Social which I got when I was writing books to keep me actually writing the book: it locks you out of social networking sites (and whatever else you tell it to) for a specified period of time. So even if you absent-mindedly hop over to Facebook to see the nothing that’s been posted since you last checked, it’s like, Nah kid, back to work. But my computer has been acting wonky of late and the program crashed yesterday while I was using it, and now — way after the specified period of time has elapsed — I am still locked out.

I might keep it this way.

I have 100 other ways of checking social networks, so why not leave this little work space for things I actually want to be doing? Like when I need a break: write to friends, or read articles I’ve saved on Pocket.

26In Better than Before-ing / demerit news, I’m really NOT on the wagon in terms of yoga, wake-up times, and exercising. And walking. So, um, mostly all of it. (Food. My Ban-uary restrictions are going OK, save for tomorrow’s feast-brunch.) Back in November (and I go back to November all the time / it turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing food…) (sorry my brain is basically a forced pun + TS lyric output machine) — ahem. I was using Gretchen’s Daily Time Log to map out the week ahead, to log my steps and my weigh-ins (oh yeah, I haven’t got that habit back yet either), and to give myself lots of check marks and feel uber accomplished. Now? That time log sheet is going ignored. So I might need both a new system and a new attitude. Or just the new attitude? I don’t know.

I’m finding it hard to focus on habit change when I have my big pile of work, and a related trip next week.

At least I’ll get my steps in today when I walk to the optometrist at the end of the day and get my contact lens situation sorted out. I’m gonna get some that don’t impede my vision this time!